It's over!

Well 40days have gone by. Many changes have already taken place, and many are yet to come. Our church is still in a changing mode, and there are people going, and I'm sure over time there will people coming. It's sad to see some leave as our only times together where "church" related activities. I have a good feeling that the next 6 months will be that of continued change and of growth. The new path we are on will be one that will force me to grow spiritually in ways that I would have let just pass me by had I continued the way I was going. 40days......amazing how things can change in the blink of an eye that 40days can be.

Day 37...

So... I'm off by 1 day I believe... so it may actually be day 38... :o) So.. I've had the best of times and the worst of times the past few weeks. So happy awesome moments. Some discouraging and down moments. I've decided... to keep quiet for a while, and sit back.. take it all in... Stephan and I will remain w/what our church will become.. and hope to grow and help move it along. This will me we'll travel on this new journey with out some folks, such is life I suppose. I wish my loves well, and hope we'll remain in touch somehow and in someway. Not everyone is cut out for this new journey, I'm not so sure I am, but I know God will carry me through with the encouragement, of those around me. Tomorrow is the 4th of July.. it will be spent with immediate family... then Sunday is the official Day 40... So.. this has seemed short.. I've had days of much impact.. and days that where just like any other minus my wasted time distracted on Facebook or Myspace. Sunday I'll have my passwords back.. and I'll return to having access to those social networks sites. I plan to keep my time on them short, and work on focusing on my study of the word of God. Stephan and I haven't been the best at doing so together. We'd end up watching TV, or playing on the computer, or video games. So our plan for this next week, is to read 1st and 2nd Timothy, and Titus.... then to in the evenings or when we are together to talk about it... I'm excited and will need to be more determined to be in the "word" on my own, so I may be more in tune... I'll post my final entry on Sunday night... as I end my 40 day journey.... though I'll be embarking on a new journey after then...

Day 36

..............Trying not to let doubts crowd my mind......... trying to be positive.... reflecting on our personal past. 5 years ago Stephan and I left the church we are currently part of. I can't say we where angry, mad, put out, offended.. I was tired of a 30min commute to church, I had a 1 year old.... and had just found out there would be a 2nd baby.. when we made a final decision to leave... we went to the church Steph's aunt and uncle attended, and became close w/ his cousin and her soon to be spouse, and Steph helped out w/the youth group. We had a less than 5 min drive.. all was peachy keen I guess. I would then soon be a police officers wife, I didn't exactly feel like I was part of a family, yes family was there, but just not like family. We went about visiting where we are now again... and when we walked in the doors it was like coming home after being away on a long trip..... We where home, and our family was there with open arms to welcome us back!! Now some of that family is "moving" away... there will still be some contact... but in my heart I know there will be a gradual decrease in that, as they settle into their new home with a new family.... This makes me sad.... I can not follow, as we are not ready to leave the family we left once before....

Day 35

So here goes. Last night a friend of mine mentioned she listened to Micheal Jackson's Man in the Mirror and the song struck her. So I'm having a listen tonight, though I remember the song from childhood, it is so TRUE!!! WOW. Anywho, have a listen for your self. I was also reading from a book Stephan picked up during the Graham Cooke conference we attended a few weeks ago. The books title is "Living in the dependency and WONDER The Journey of Discovering the Depths of God's Love for You" Very good book, and though it should be a quick read I've decided to take it slow and process all that the book has to say. I think my biggest struggle with the transision our church is in are the people who are leaving, and potentially the reasons they are leaving knowing that I don't really know the whole stories of all who have chosen to not go on this journey. The thought that though things seem unchanged now that we may loose touch, and not be able to be as close as we would be had they stayed. So part of what I read will help me to break the code of how I'm to handle the relationships with those who are left, and explains what might be the problem with those who are moving along. This is what I read. For us to be the Bride of Christ she requires the environment of deepest love, true committed friendships, and a community where love, grace, mercy, kindness, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness are all actively sought and encouraged as a way of life. Pretty good huh?? get the book! :o) However I then read this, which could be some of the grand problem. Here goes.... When our hearts are bitter, hard, callous, unfeeling, cynical, judgemental, angry, suspicious, closed, wary, distrustful, jealous, skeptical, derisive, contemtous, pessimistic, unbelieving, sarcastic, or scornful we hurt ourselves.... uh... that's that. I'll leave it at that.