It's over!

Well 40days have gone by. Many changes have already taken place, and many are yet to come. Our church is still in a changing mode, and there are people going, and I'm sure over time there will people coming. It's sad to see some leave as our only times together where "church" related activities. I have a good feeling that the next 6 months will be that of continued change and of growth. The new path we are on will be one that will force me to grow spiritually in ways that I would have let just pass me by had I continued the way I was going. 40days......amazing how things can change in the blink of an eye that 40days can be.

Day 37...

So... I'm off by 1 day I believe... so it may actually be day 38... :o) So.. I've had the best of times and the worst of times the past few weeks. So happy awesome moments. Some discouraging and down moments. I've decided... to keep quiet for a while, and sit back.. take it all in... Stephan and I will remain w/what our church will become.. and hope to grow and help move it along. This will me we'll travel on this new journey with out some folks, such is life I suppose. I wish my loves well, and hope we'll remain in touch somehow and in someway. Not everyone is cut out for this new journey, I'm not so sure I am, but I know God will carry me through with the encouragement, of those around me. Tomorrow is the 4th of July.. it will be spent with immediate family... then Sunday is the official Day 40... So.. this has seemed short.. I've had days of much impact.. and days that where just like any other minus my wasted time distracted on Facebook or Myspace. Sunday I'll have my passwords back.. and I'll return to having access to those social networks sites. I plan to keep my time on them short, and work on focusing on my study of the word of God. Stephan and I haven't been the best at doing so together. We'd end up watching TV, or playing on the computer, or video games. So our plan for this next week, is to read 1st and 2nd Timothy, and Titus.... then to in the evenings or when we are together to talk about it... I'm excited and will need to be more determined to be in the "word" on my own, so I may be more in tune... I'll post my final entry on Sunday night... as I end my 40 day journey.... though I'll be embarking on a new journey after then...

Day 36

..............Trying not to let doubts crowd my mind......... trying to be positive.... reflecting on our personal past. 5 years ago Stephan and I left the church we are currently part of. I can't say we where angry, mad, put out, offended.. I was tired of a 30min commute to church, I had a 1 year old.... and had just found out there would be a 2nd baby.. when we made a final decision to leave... we went to the church Steph's aunt and uncle attended, and became close w/ his cousin and her soon to be spouse, and Steph helped out w/the youth group. We had a less than 5 min drive.. all was peachy keen I guess. I would then soon be a police officers wife, I didn't exactly feel like I was part of a family, yes family was there, but just not like family. We went about visiting where we are now again... and when we walked in the doors it was like coming home after being away on a long trip..... We where home, and our family was there with open arms to welcome us back!! Now some of that family is "moving" away... there will still be some contact... but in my heart I know there will be a gradual decrease in that, as they settle into their new home with a new family.... This makes me sad.... I can not follow, as we are not ready to leave the family we left once before....

Day 35

So here goes. Last night a friend of mine mentioned she listened to Micheal Jackson's Man in the Mirror and the song struck her. So I'm having a listen tonight, though I remember the song from childhood, it is so TRUE!!! WOW. Anywho, have a listen for your self. I was also reading from a book Stephan picked up during the Graham Cooke conference we attended a few weeks ago. The books title is "Living in the dependency and WONDER The Journey of Discovering the Depths of God's Love for You" Very good book, and though it should be a quick read I've decided to take it slow and process all that the book has to say. I think my biggest struggle with the transision our church is in are the people who are leaving, and potentially the reasons they are leaving knowing that I don't really know the whole stories of all who have chosen to not go on this journey. The thought that though things seem unchanged now that we may loose touch, and not be able to be as close as we would be had they stayed. So part of what I read will help me to break the code of how I'm to handle the relationships with those who are left, and explains what might be the problem with those who are moving along. This is what I read. For us to be the Bride of Christ she requires the environment of deepest love, true committed friendships, and a community where love, grace, mercy, kindness, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness are all actively sought and encouraged as a way of life. Pretty good huh?? get the book! :o) However I then read this, which could be some of the grand problem. Here goes.... When our hearts are bitter, hard, callous, unfeeling, cynical, judgemental, angry, suspicious, closed, wary, distrustful, jealous, skeptical, derisive, contemtous, pessimistic, unbelieving, sarcastic, or scornful we hurt ourselves.... uh... that's that. I'll leave it at that.

Day 34.

Hmmm... Is this really almost over. Some tears yesterday, and a lovely hubby to help me see things clearer. One day I'll not let certain things bother me so much. Today I'm beginning to get better clearity on where we are going w/"church" and hope that those who go in the other direction will continue to remain friends that where previously a friend. Tonight we discussed a few things and one was about what we see church as and what the bible had to say about it. And the conclusion was that we as christians need to love each other and show the world that love we have for one another, or we are all just a clanging gong.... Thanks for that Angel! :o) I've had my fill of blogging and better get on to bed....

Days 31-33....

Who is my Mordecai??? Friends of mine discussed they attended a church service and that was the question. Who is that one person when all is just fine can walk in the room, and poof.... things just seem to turn grey. I have a problem.... and learning to deal has proven more difficult than I ever imagined. This 40days is drawing to an end, I've learned I'm scared and though the scaring person has since gone on to be with the Lord, her actions haunt me through another, and I let it bother me more than I should!! My walk w/ Christ, far far far.... from being perfect, and I feel unworthy to be on the path my church is on, but will however follow in submission to my husband. I had a beautiful weekend camping with the family and good friends. I have unanswered questions, and doubts about myself, about my belief, is it strong enough? Am I humble enough? Can I do this? I'd sure love to run away from so many things and never look back. How can such a nice time be so overshadowed..

Days 29-30

Thursday and Friday. Wooohooo the weekend is here. Had a "planning" meeting, as to where the "church" will go in the future tonight. Thursday was just another day. Today, interesting, heartstrings pulling. Dear friends of ours will no longer be a part of the church family we belong to, however we will continue with our friendship for what I hope will be many years to come despite the differences. The meeting went well. What I want to see in "church" Sunday and Wednesday every week in and week out.... same ol same ol..... that is not what I want. Christians are not going to win people into the Kingdom of heaven going into their little or big church buildings every week focusing on themselves. And the run after people and pointing out all their faults (sins) and telling them they'll go to hell if they don't repent and ask Jesus into their hearts. I'm sorry that's just not working!!! In small quantities maybe, but I'm ready to step out of my little box and take my blinders off, and to truly be "Christ like" I'll need the back up of my "church family" and to go in holding hands with someone for support and encouragement, but I'm ready to see some real stuff here. Church is not about how good the worship was, how good the message was, how nice you are dresses, or how high of a position you hold. We are servants of the Most High God and we should be at the bottom serving as Jesus did....... I want to do that so bad!!! I want to set a great example for my children and teach them the way of the Lord and when they grow up they'll never depart from it!!! Well I'll end this now since the thunder is rolling and I have at least 100 things to do!~

Days 26,27,28

Looks like I'm in a cluster of 3's these past 2 posts. Monday (d-26) was spent just having fun just the 5 of us, to the zoo we went, then home to enjoy the backyard. Then my honey returned to work. I'm preparing for a camping trip so I did a little research, bible reading and prayer. Tuesday (d-27) Dove into house work, loads and loads of laundry. The kids lounged out. That evening I had diner w/ some of the ladies from Tues night bible study. Tristen had some tummy thing going on and was fussy due to teething, and Chloe hiked a fever. Every one settled in, and more bible reading occurred. Then my wandering mind went to my swim apparel, UGH! Is this a spiritual journey subject?? Well I think it can be. So it too meshes into my Wednesday (d-28) I remained home from prayer to let Chloe and Tristen mend, they both are feeling much better and to God I'm grateful for a speedy recovery, and for little lost sleep. So the girls and I just lounged about, I did more laundry! So onto my swimwear..... a bikini is NOT an option! LOL! I have this tankini I bought about 2 years ago, the top is a halter, and the bottom kinda like a bikini bottom w/a little skirt on it. The skirt I'd love to have hit my knees and the top the kids pull on! So I found a tank/cami like top that covers much better so I bought it. My dilema the bottom! Let's face it I've had 3 kids, I'm not HUGE however there are parts of my body I don't care to share with part of the world. I've searched and searched for something. I saw a woman last summer at Sesame Place thought her swim suit was adorable! And should have run up to her to ask where she got it. The skirt hit her knees, but you could tell it had a set of swim bottoms/swim shorts under. and her top was a tank that covered well. I like to concept of the wholesomewear
However really how goofy does that look!! I'm 27 come on can I at least look cute?? So I continue, and the suits just get uglier and uglier. Then alas I find a swim skirt that will hit my knees.... and then the price tag!!! OUCH! The thing is modesty is not cheap! I have managed to find a swim skirt at the price of $24 at a length I would LOVE!! So we'll see if Stephan goes for me spending some more cash. Though I've not bought clothing on the family budget we both usually use our b-day money on new clothing. Anywho.. Swimwear is my least favorite to shop for.

Days 23,24,and 25.

So... I've slacked off... That's ok though I've been busy. Friday our friend did well w/surgery and is going home tomorrow! God is awesome and answers prayers! Saturday, was a lazy day! Then a surprise diner trip to Kabuto! Yum! Sunday the girls and I went to church, stopped by to give my Dad his father's day card. Then is was home to prepare for our young adults group to arrive. This weekend was busy, and great over all. Molly overcame a 103 fever w/ no real explanation other than God answers prayers b/c she recovered and fast! I have discovered over the past few months that some of my family members that don't believe the same as I do think I hate them! Wow that's harsh and I can't say I've ever used such strong words about a person. Maybe a food or a bug! But I don't hate people, especially relatives I'm supposed to love and care about even when we disagree or don't exactly fit on the same page in life, of beliefs! A song that I came to love a few months ago by an artist Cadia, came to mind for a situation going on right now and the lyrics are below. The name of the song is "I'll stay". I love music! And how it can speak to one's heart!

Ill Stay - Cadia

Cadia Lyrics

"Cadia I'll Stay lyrics"

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You’re movin’ faster than an outbound train
Tryin’ to find a way to outrun pain
And every time you start to come undone
You always start to run
My heart is breaking for you, I admit
It’s hard to watch you fall apart like this
And I can’t begin to know your sorrow
I have not walked far inside your shoes
And I wish you would let me
Love you through this

Cause I’ll stay with you (even in your darkest night)
Wait with you (for a little sign of light)
Cry with you (if the answers never come)
I’ll be the one who
Hopes with you (there will be a better day)
So hold onto (every little piece of faith)
As long as it takes, I’ll stay

And if He sees a sparrow fall or fly
Watches the lilies open to the sky
Then how much more does He love you and I
Sometimes it’s hard to just believe it’s true
But if you can’t, I will stand believing for you

CHORUS

Let me be still and quiet
Let me be Love’s reminder
Let me be the one who’s meant to
Be the arms that Jesus sent you...

CHORUS

Day 22

Heart hurting, I'm praying the 91st Psalm over more than one individual.... tonight #1 is for a good friend, my heart is out there crying for her and there is no way I can truly understand the fear and uncertainty she is going through, her spouse having a delicate surgical procedure tomorrow. I don't have the words to offer encouragement. I've never lifted up more prayers ever, ever, ever in my whole christian walk as I have since Sunday night. God can make all things new, and will take care of all of this and leave this family with one huge testimony. With God all things are possible. Then for every police officer out there putting their lives on the line, including the one I'm married to. For my children, my home, my family, my dearest friends, those who hate or should I say dislike me....

Psalm 91
He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High. Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD. "He is my refuge, and my fortress, My God in Him I will trust." Surely H shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler And from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with his feathers. And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, Nor of the arrow that flies by day, Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your right side, and ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look, and see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge even the Most High, your dwelling place. No evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling. For He shall give His angels charge over you. To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra. The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. "Because he has set his love upon Me therefore I will deliver him I will set him on high , because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, and show him my salvation."

Day 21

Sitting here.. with my baby girl, she's content playing with one of her big sister's play laptops. Too cute keeps her little fingers off the keyboard. It was a dreary day today, more reading with Chloe and just a nice day spent with the girls. early naps took place, and Chloe and I soon joined in on the rest. We went for group prayer and enjoyed a meal w/some of our church family. The night was nice, and now I'm at home winding down for a good night's sleep.

Day 20.

Time flies. Guess this is a half way point. I've not made all the changes I thought I would have made by now. Getting to bed at a normal time, however what's normal about my life any how? Not a thing! Today is my 8th wedding anniversary. 9 years ago today I graduated from highschool. So this evening I'm reflecting. Is this where I saw myself?? Nope not for one minute was this what I pictured. I'll give a little insight, My plans where. Well to have a nice home (large that is) to house our 5 kids we desired to have. Thought I would be able to just send my girls off to private school, and I'd work part time while there where little ones still at home. Money would not be an issue. Well God sure popped my little bubble. About 3 years ago I wasn't sure I'd like to have more than the 2 kids we had, for health and sanity reasons. So we where just fine in out big house with full time jobs, and a private school tuition. Then the tug on my heart to think about homeschooling, to possibly be able to stay home with my girls I missed them so much while working full time, then doubt maybe I wouldn't actually be able to handle homeschooling. I put it on the back burner, then buy that fall I was pregnant with Tristen. Um... let us re evaluate things.... maybe my true "goals" where not where God wanted me to be. So, we said goodbye to out big home, moved to a 3 bedroom home on 1 acre, had our 3rd baby girl. In the fall we began homeschooling, now it's summer, and we are pretty much done with kindergarten. In about 2 weeks our books for this fall will arrive, Kindergarten and 1st grade. So here I am 8 years after I was married...... and here's what I've become in my eyes... I'm a 27year old, wife to Steph, mommy of 3 beautiful girls, homeschool teacher, mini farmer's wife LOL.... I'm insecure about what motherhood has done to my body and struggle with the way the woman in the mirror looks, I'm sure who I was 8 years ago. My faith is much stronger than it was 8 years ago, but not where it needs to be. . .

Wow.... I'll stop now and hope to get some sleep.

Day 19

Good day, spent time with the girls. Caught Chloe up a little further on her reading she's doing so well. Then just did some house work, feels as though it's the same as it was before I even started. Did my Esther homework. Visited a friend in the hospital. Headed home for a night of prayers and reading a novel. Nothings profound, that I noticed however God's hand was on my day some how even if I didn't know how.

Day 18

This day started out on such a high note. I didn't feel all that great, physically exhausted from lack of sleep. My spirits where high and I wasn't letting anything keep me from enjoying a nice breakfast with folks I adore! Then just one more session w/Graham Cooke. The one profound thing he said was not to ask God "WHY??" But to ask God "What does this mean and what am I supposed to do about it?" Well I was surely not expecting to have to has the later question so soon. I'm fighting the urge to freak out. I was hit with 2 different issues tonight and truth be told I'm not as worried about the 2nd as I am the 1st. Because the person in scenario #1 has no faith in God. I'm so very overwhelmed, this all will require a bit of prayer, meditation, and diving into the promises in God's word. God has the power to step in and do awesome things through both situations. I just have to wait on God to show me what my part is in them. I hope for a quick answer, but will wait if it takes longer to come.

Day 17

Day 2 of the Graham Cooke conference. Another day of incredible worship sessions, and awesome words from Graham Cooke!! I'm even more inspired and am gaining more understanding as to where I'd like to go w/my Christian walk, and what I'd like out of "church" or where I'd like to see the "church" go. I want to be a light, I don't want to be a judgemental person who preaches to people about what they should be doing. I want people to be drawn to me because of what I've let God be through me. I want to come out of my shell, pray more, praise God more! I want more of God and I want to see him do marvelous things in this area!!! I want to be part of a church that is making a difference, that's not just about a church service, or traditions, but a church that wants to be of service to a hurting world in need. It may be terribly uncomfortable for me, but I so want to go there. I could go on and on, but for those of you following you can kinda get the point I hope.

Days 15 and 16.

Day 15, was simply a day at home cleaning, continuing to tie up loose ends with school. Did my Esther homework, and had a quiet day. We had diner w/ Ryan, Warrie and watched One Night with the King. The movie was good. Off to bed for the night afterwards.

Day 16. Homeschool convention.... decided to switch to BJU w/ the girls vs Abeka, added Bible for this upcoming year!! Then we moved the girls from My mom's house to a friend's house where her daughter watched our girls, so we could attend a conference w/Graham Cooke! Incredible. I'm highly looking forward to where God wants to take the"church". The conference was titled "The Church has left the building" Well our kinda did in prep for where our church will be going when we return in 3 more weeks.

Day 13 and 14 (week 2)

2 weeks in. 4 weeks left. Who's counting. We'll the anticipation of what will become of our "church" Tuesday was ladies bible study, we are on our last week of Esther. Oh I'm not ready for it to be over the Esther Study has just spoke to my heart! I look forward to what we may study next though. Tonight Wednesday, we went to our pastor's house and had a time of prayer, Steph and I took turns with the kids then CL took over towards the end. I have actually never attended a prayer meeting because Tristen is chatty and well the older 2 just can't sit still for all of 10min. We'll need to get them used to them, that was an experience, a room full of folks praying. We shared food after and visited for a bit. We came home, I started on a sewing project and the machine got a mind of it's own for a minute so I'll pick it back up tomorrow! On to check messages, sad news regarding Steph's uncle, Cancer, yuck, caught early and he should be fine, still the diagnosis no matter how small or big still makes one stop, and think oh this is too close for comfort. So I'll be praying for his healing because no one should suffer with cancer ever! I've had a range of emotion these past 2 weeks and tonight an overwhelming urge to just cry, over Steph's uncle, things I'm getting over, my kids growing up, missing my spouse when he works, missing my sister being right there and seeing her often, the amazing people God has placed around me..... So I'll cry, and get it over with. We will attend a homeschool convention this week, and hope to even squeeze in seeing Graham Cooke while he's in town.

Day 12

Today I reflect on the journey the past year has been for me! God blessed us with Tristen, with no medical intervention, like the older girls! I had been reading up on homeschooling, as an avenue vs the private school we where using, because I so desired to stay home with the girls. I had committed to work full time for at least 2 years with Dr Z, and well barely full filled one, because I got pregnant. In my heart I knew it would be best for me to stay home, and home school Chloe and Molly, but it was just easier to drop them off each day and let someone else do the work for me. When I found out I was pregnant with Tristen, Stephan and I knew some things would change drastically but to what extent. We sold out large home, and downsized, literally closed 2 days before Tristen arrived last year on the old house, and then closed on the new one when she was 1 week old. I was knew I wanted to home school but bills loomed and well should I just work. Well I'm very particular about who keeps my babies, and the 2 folks that had potential where not available, so that answered all my questions, I'd work PRN if work wanted me to, and stay home and home school the rest of the time. This year has been one of trial and error, we all made it through alive, and Chloe did awesome! And is still ahead of the Public Schools! These girls are smart, and would just get lost in the hustle and bustle of a class room w/30 other kids, maybe less if they had continued in the private school. So God kinda thrust me into a humble yourself, downsize and be with your kids kind of moment. Isn't that what I had truly wanted, I couldn't have all my cake and eat it too.. so some things had to go, though I miss our "big house" I would trade what I have now for a big house and no time with my kids. So instead of putting them on the bus at 9am and them not coming home until 4pm... I get to spend my entire day with my girls. It's not the easiest on some days, but it's worth it. God had a plan... and he turned mine and Stephan's world upside down..... and turned us around... and sent us in an entirely different direction... This year has not been easy by any means..... I'm grateful for the support of God, My Hubby, My kids, My Parents, and my dearest friends.... Ahh... I love a little reflection....

Day 10 and 11

So I failed to blog yesterday. Steph was off so I enjoyed his company. Saturday we slept in, went out and about to price healthier food options for Chloe our picky eater! And to get some fruit from Kroger as their fruit is much better than that from Walmart. At home Steph weeded the garden and put some more seeds for various items into the ground. I did some laundry. We enjoyed some time as a family sitting around together the 5 of us plus 2 dogs! We thought of watching a movie but our options where not family friendly, so we opted to watch an episode of 18 kids and counting that none of us had seen yet, the kids went off to be and Mom and Dad cleaned! Sunday we where supposed to go to a friend's place for some singing and bible study, with 2 other couples so with us would total 4 couples and 8 kids between us all. We where to arrive at 10am, and there was brunch to follow. Stephan and I slept til 10:15a! through 2 alarms! But made it out late, to come in at the end and have a little discussion on the topic at hand. Then some fellowship and brunch! Yummy stuff! Afterward we checked out a new food market OVER PRICED!! had lunch, and I talked Steph into a trip to babies r us, so I could get lil miss some new onesies w/her bday gift card. Home to take the kids to the near by park for a bike ride, home for diner and early bed times for everyone!! I enjoyed a little reading, and picked up my Esther home work. I so need how to manuals! Praise God for the ladies bible studies written by Beth Moore. They have helped to guide me to understand and love God's word even more, This is my 3rd study, well 3 1/2 I didn't finish up believing God completely, though I plan to go start from the very beginning b/c it is a great study as far as I got with it. My week will be full of some regular activities and some not so regular ones. Main goal to finish up K5 if not this week then early the following week! God has carried us through a crazy year of figuring out homeschooling and I'm still not clear on how I want to handle home school, and am trying to decide if I should delay Miss M on starting K5... maybe I'll wait until January.. or we'll hope right in.. when we start in Aug/Sept...... I'll be in prayer for that. My time away from my computer addictions has lead me to enjoy more activities with the kids than I would have before... and I'm loving it...

Day 9

TGIF! I guess... really it's rained all day long..... good for the garden thanks for that. At least I worked all day and didn't have to be stuck at home, looking out at the blah all day. Good news the sun will come out tomorrow!!!! Bad news since the guys canceled their camping trip this weekend... the Hubby is likely working OT good for debt pay off.. hopes for a day spent with just our five shattered.... so looks like it will be laundry put up duty. the task needs to be done. Though with our schedules, I tend to work on the weekdays he has off, leaving us very limited weekend time to be had, makes life as a cops wife all the more difficult. Any who like anyone cares.... I'll move on... tonight our Friday night small group finished the Bait of Satan series. I'll have to do some recap on the final session b/c I need it!! The hardest to deal with is family offenses.... b/c we have to be exposed to them more often.. and well can't exactly change who they are. So this area I'll be working on. But how does one manage to apologize enough for offenses they have caused by having a genuine care for others and the desire for their salvation and to love Jesus, and that I'd care enough to want to see their face in heaven when the time comes. On with it. This day has been another.. with lessons learned but questions still looming... what to do Sunday?? Where to go?? What do I want out of "Church"?? What does my spouse what out of "church"?? My kids... what do they need??

Day 8

Thursday. Ah to sleep in!! My mom is a doll and kept the older 2 and let me have a sleep in day. Baby girl slept until 11am!! I didn't but was close. Had some time to spend w/my Love this morning he's been working some nutty overtime to finish getting us out of debt.... it's tough! But we are almost there!! God has provided a large quantity of overtime for him and for that I'm grateful. No major revelations today.... lifted a prayer of protection over my family in southern va... as a cluster of nasty storms passed through their area today. Glad they didn't come here. The rain great for our veggie garden. Our girls are healthy and praise God for that! Loving this Esther study... it's helped me in a number of areas! Getting over my Grandma K, and not holding some others actions in comparison b/c I shouldn't expect someone to be something for me when I have enough others to be more than enough. Just letting God be my "hero" and not expecting anyone else to fill such a large responsibility. Well I'll keep it short since these are daily. off for prayer and sleep............

Day 7

It's been one week on this journey, and God has just taken some uncertainty and showed me the way! Shown me the people I should be on this journey with. Today was ordinary I suppose. Then Sunday our young adults group had decided we would share a meal, and have a hopeful repeat of Sunday, and take communion together tonight. The weather was threatening! But some how I encountered none of it on my travels to or from the meeting. The gathering great! God rocks and our God is an AWESOME GOD!!! My evening turned out to be anything but ordinary and I liked it. So I'll go off to bed on a high note praising God for all that he has done and will do during this time of sabbatical.

Day 6

This am I woke at 6:30, for no real reason, the dogs barked a little, but it took me a few to go back to sleep. I believe I was supposed to stay awake, but failed and went back to sleep instead until 9. The day was busy with the kids swim lessons, a trip for ice cream with some of the other kids from the class and their moms, has been nice to meet some really nice home school moms. I'm getting there with stepping out of my box! There was some time for lunch with my mom. Then home to get ready for Tuesday night bible study. It was nice to see everyone since we didn't all gather in the same place on Sunday. A lovely group of women! I continued my reading of Acts yesterday as well. Some prayer time too! I also spent a little more time than I should have trying to bargain shop for some items to take along camping for Tristen on the internet.

Day 5

Monday, it's that day that comes after Sunday, when you have to roll out of bed and hit the ground running and nothing goes exactly like you'd like it to. Today I was determined to not let my joy be taken!! I had a few.. well OK more than I'd like to have had, difficult moments with the kids. What I had planned was not exactly what when on today. About a week and a half ago both kids had a tick bit on their lil head, the area healed well, no bulls eye business, both have this lovely "bump" enlarged lymph node on their lil heads, so it's gotten larger and I figured for piece o' mind we'd have the Dr have a look see, like I though nothing to worry about, but worth knowing and getting a little more education on ticks, tick bites and such. So that visit occurred after we went in the opposite direction from swim lessons to run an errand for my honey, then to my mom's to drop of baby, and off to swim,... then Drs appointment named above... then to Petco to return a failed mussel. To babies r us to see if they had something in stock and their price.. then back to mom's for a late lunch, visit, home... some house work. Then some rest and bible study homework... A restless baby girl... resulting in a game of peek a boo!! fun and giggles.. then the house is quiet with all resting. I read Acts 2! awesome! Acts 2:43-47... Strike a cord.

Day 4

Incredible! Just incredible!! God is awesome!!! This morning the girls and I attended, our pastor's brother's church, it was youth Sunday, the worship great, the message great, God is moving in that church!! Then afterward, home to finish clean up in prep for my baby girls 1st birthday party. Threw on some music, and cleaned away! The party began, and went in rapid pace, pizza, cake, presents with in 1 hour! Our fastest birthday party yet, this allowed those who couldn't or didn't care to stay, head out. Plus by 6pm the party turned into church. Slowly our young adults group arrived, a few members missing for various reasons. There where snacks prepared and out came the instruments, guitar, jembe (drum), and our voices, we gathered in the family room of our house, and began to sing songs of praise and worship to the Lord, this was worship like I've never experienced. The move of God was incredible. There was some prayer in between songs, then a break for sharing encouraging words from God's word, discussion about where we see our group going, what we expect from each other, and what we want to do to advance the kingdom of heaven! Then more worship..... YEAH! HALLELUJAH!!! Then Prayer! AWESOME!! Then the night over, we'll meet again Wednesday night somewhere else! Looking forward to another great night!! I totally love and adore the family I have in our young adults group. We've held back for so long!! Now we are hungry and thirsty for more of you Lord. What a way to start the week! Looking forward to that this week has to bring.

Day 3 *updated*

Well another busy day. Preparing for Tristen's 1st birthday party. Went shopping for a few things, then home to clean. Much got taken care of leaving me with little to do tomorrow. Let the worship music play, and cleaned away!! Received our letter from our pastor outlining what what going on, and what he recommended, in regards to visiting other Churches, reading the new testament, and then focusing on Acts, being in prayer, and so on. I'm still processing everything! So tomorrow, I'll visit somewhere making a decision between 2 different places, would like to visit both for the closer to home aspect. Looking forward to visiting with our young adults group tomorrow in our home for a time of discussion, worship, and prayer, following Tristen's birthday party. Those are a group of folks that I'll keep close to me no matter what happens!! I love them all like they where part of my family, we walked away from them once and did a not so good job at keeping in touch... never again will I do that. So I'm having a little time in the word this evening listening to Jesse Duplantis "A Day in the life of Christ" and will be diving into my Esther homework. A little quiet time..... prayer.. and of to sleep! Tomorrow should be an very interesting day!!

Additional stuff I had a eureka moment... I have been dubbed the "religious" church goer by my inlaws!! lol and was asked to take my Grand in laws with us to church.... well akward, I had to try to explain the sabbatical, and that we'll find some place to go for that particular Sunday! I'll take it as a complement that my in laws think I'm a crazy, homeschooling, Jesus FREAK!!! :o)

Day 2

So this morning I was scheduled to report to work. Perfect it's a 35-45 min drive, great time for listening to a sermon. I grab the 1st Cd in the stack, and the message is titled "I could careless and not be careless"By Josh Andes. Sounds like something this girl needs to hear. In the CD went into the cd player. I do have a lot of cares in my life as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, and friend. I care about people, and I care too much about what people think. But I should not be so careless, that I don't care at all. Thanks Josh I needed to hear everything that was said, and could afford to listen again. Good stuff! Work went well, always love working with the lovely ladies I work with on a PT basis. Ride home was filled with great music. At home things where busy from the moment I walked in the front door! Sing happy birthday to my baby girl she turned 1 year old today! God knew what he was doing when he brought that lil girl into our lives, she's such a joy, and a blessing. OK! Time to do hair, and a light application of make-up, and get out of here for the Big girls recital, they did GREAT!! Then a celebration ice cream at Friendly's, and home to bed. Well the girls went of to sleep. Daddy to work out, and Me... Esther homework!! I do love my bible study homework. I'm the type that has the desire to do something, but show me how to do it!! Guidance is good!!! Off to rest... Much to do tomorrow.

Day 1

So I've made it through 24hours. It's been a busy time with family things, the girls swim lessons, and dance rehearsal this evening. My computer time is sliced now that I just have my 2 email accounts to check, and the main messages have just been from my church family. This is encouraging that we are all pulling together, to spend more time in the word and in prayer and to do it together. I hope I don't fail here and will work hard to do my part in prayer, and encouragement to my fellow loved ones! This evening I've done a little thinking. I think I'm still processing the whole thing! Sunday is fast approaching and I guess I'll need to pray about what the girls and I will do. As this is a Sunday I would attend church alone w/out Stephan because of his work schedule. Stay home, go to a fellow church members house that's inviting others over, or visit a church where I know people so I will not have to explain myself too much, and can just go worship, and hear the word. My one concern is that my girls are starting to behave better when it comes to sitting still for a service, do we not attend a service of any sorts for 6 weeks or do we wander like nomads from here to there. I hope God will give me some guidance in this area, in the next 2 days... Today during the kids nap time I was a little tired myself but instead of computer veg time, or watching TV, I put in a Graham Cooke CD and listen while I rested. This evening I did my Esther study homework, and had some prayer time. I'll be off to bed early as I will report to work tomorrow. With some oldie worship music playing, maybe I'll talk Stephan into watching a John Bevere video before bed.

My fast.

I have a terrible addiction to Facebook and Myspace. As a result have lagged in my time with God, and neglected my job of keeping my home. My children have not suffered, because I tend to be "online" while they are off doing something on their own or sleeping. Though during that time I could be reading God's word, praying, meditating, praising, worshiping, cleaning......... all of the above!!!! So to remove the distraction.. I'm fasting from Facebook and Myspace.. Stephan has assisted.. and has changed my passwords. I will too strive to make better diet choices, and increase fruits and veggies vs. junk in my diet, along with more water vs. sweet tea/soda/or coffee. I plan to use my time wisely.. seeking God for guidance, will be in prayer for my fellow church family, and hope to spend more time with each and every one of them!!! There will be food, fellowship, pray, and lots of Gods word!!! The uncertainty is hard to deal with...... it's amazing how the groups we are involved with have jumped to it.. to gather together... and encourage and pray for each other... Tears come as I try to imagine what it will be like to not go to church on Sunday morning like I always do.... though many Sundays I'm totally overwhelmed and so distracted with my motherly duty that I miss out... on the worship.. as a little one tugs on my skirt. on the message.. because I'm so aggravated that I didn't get to experience worship like I wanted to. The problem... I guess is that I don't praise and worship God like I should in my own time... because I'm even more distracted by worldly things at home. I wasn't brought up with an attitude to seek God 1st. Though I desire to do so..... and WILL DO SO....

40 day Sabbatical.....

This 40 day sabbatical has been called by our pastor for out entire church..... As in the doors of our church are closed to "normal'' or "regular" church activities as we know it. Sunday my family was not in attendance for the service, we where away having a long weekend at the lake w/friends. Monday we returned nothing out of the ordinary. Tuesday morning I awoke to do my usual have breakfast and check messages in 4 areas... Comcast email, Yahoo email, Facebook, and Myspace. In my comcast mail box was a message from our friday night group.. about the 40day "fast". My thoughts wondered and I figured it was simply a church wide fast of sorts. Then another message from a person in our young adults group appeared on facebook.... pertaining some more detail. Still not really knowing what was going on I was not alarmed. Carried on with my day, cared for the kids, did school work with Chloe, and some housework. Then I check my messages around 2pm once all the girls are napping or resting. Facebook.. 2 ask if I had "heard what happened at church on sunday??" My reply is something about a 40 day fast.. the responses I get are yes. Then I check my regular email.. an explosion of conversation about this 40day "fast". I check the church web site and see in bold red font,
THE CHURCH WILL BE ON SABBATICAL FROM MAY 27 UNTIL JULY 6.
WHAT IN THE WORLD??? Was my 1st thought.... then there was no additional info at that time and the audio from the message Sunday had not been posted yet... Now I'm lost and confused on so many levels.. Finally in the mass amounts of emails someone had included a clip with Sundays message.. I stopped and listened to it.... WHAT IN THE WORLD???? WOW! So this 40 day fast is actually a 40day sabbatical from the church... and some are deciding to fast types of food... sweets.... junk.... what have you... My mind is churning... trying to figure out where this will go for me. How will I handle this. Will we still have Tuesday night bible study?? We are in the middle of our Esther study!!!!! I call a few ladies.. and await a return call.... So bible study is still on! YES!! though we will have to meet in someones house which is fine by me.. but I love the ladies.. and our bible study time. Stephan awakes and I tell him the news... Strife his us over some bills.. he dropped me off as usual to bible study.. and the night went like it always does.. with some pray on the side.. and some of the night felt a little awkward. By bedtime.. I'm thinking how am I going to handle this.. and what will be the end result.... what will God have me to do.. How will I handle my Sundays.. The kids will be very confused. Will I visit someplace the next 6 weeks... will I sit at home and study the bible with Stephan and the Girls.. will I meet with a group from my church family..... many uncertain things lie ahead.