Day 36

..............Trying not to let doubts crowd my mind......... trying to be positive.... reflecting on our personal past. 5 years ago Stephan and I left the church we are currently part of. I can't say we where angry, mad, put out, offended.. I was tired of a 30min commute to church, I had a 1 year old.... and had just found out there would be a 2nd baby.. when we made a final decision to leave... we went to the church Steph's aunt and uncle attended, and became close w/ his cousin and her soon to be spouse, and Steph helped out w/the youth group. We had a less than 5 min drive.. all was peachy keen I guess. I would then soon be a police officers wife, I didn't exactly feel like I was part of a family, yes family was there, but just not like family. We went about visiting where we are now again... and when we walked in the doors it was like coming home after being away on a long trip..... We where home, and our family was there with open arms to welcome us back!! Now some of that family is "moving" away... there will still be some contact... but in my heart I know there will be a gradual decrease in that, as they settle into their new home with a new family.... This makes me sad.... I can not follow, as we are not ready to leave the family we left once before....