Day 20.

Time flies. Guess this is a half way point. I've not made all the changes I thought I would have made by now. Getting to bed at a normal time, however what's normal about my life any how? Not a thing! Today is my 8th wedding anniversary. 9 years ago today I graduated from highschool. So this evening I'm reflecting. Is this where I saw myself?? Nope not for one minute was this what I pictured. I'll give a little insight, My plans where. Well to have a nice home (large that is) to house our 5 kids we desired to have. Thought I would be able to just send my girls off to private school, and I'd work part time while there where little ones still at home. Money would not be an issue. Well God sure popped my little bubble. About 3 years ago I wasn't sure I'd like to have more than the 2 kids we had, for health and sanity reasons. So we where just fine in out big house with full time jobs, and a private school tuition. Then the tug on my heart to think about homeschooling, to possibly be able to stay home with my girls I missed them so much while working full time, then doubt maybe I wouldn't actually be able to handle homeschooling. I put it on the back burner, then buy that fall I was pregnant with Tristen. Um... let us re evaluate things.... maybe my true "goals" where not where God wanted me to be. So, we said goodbye to out big home, moved to a 3 bedroom home on 1 acre, had our 3rd baby girl. In the fall we began homeschooling, now it's summer, and we are pretty much done with kindergarten. In about 2 weeks our books for this fall will arrive, Kindergarten and 1st grade. So here I am 8 years after I was married...... and here's what I've become in my eyes... I'm a 27year old, wife to Steph, mommy of 3 beautiful girls, homeschool teacher, mini farmer's wife LOL.... I'm insecure about what motherhood has done to my body and struggle with the way the woman in the mirror looks, I'm sure who I was 8 years ago. My faith is much stronger than it was 8 years ago, but not where it needs to be. . .

Wow.... I'll stop now and hope to get some sleep.